Vulnerability

Vulnerability - (noun) the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
No one is perfect, we all have cracks in our personalities. There are always shortcomings (or) gaps in our knowledge. Only when you "acknowledge" those gaps, you will be able to overcome them. I have always been the first person to admit to the gaps in my knowledge, for I always seek bridge them. I am not one bit embarrassed or insecure to admit that "I don't know" and it always ends with "I want to learn". However, I cannot say the same thing when it comes to emotional vulnerability. I for one, have a contrasting view on this. I have never showed my emotional vulnerability until very recently and I totally regret it.

There is always a breaking point for everyone, winter of 2015 was the lowest point of my life and it did me in. Scars may have healed, but have not vanished. All my life, I have been subconsciously taught to never show my emotional weakness to anyone. My first impulse has always been to mask it. If given a chance, I will go back in time and stop myself from breaking and showing my emotional vulnerability. I believe in keeping dependence to bare minimum and most things under my control. Being emotionally vulnerable totally goes against my vein, because I am taking things from my control and voluntarily giving the power to destroy. Just the thought that someone can do that to me emotionally makes me so uncomfortable.

However I admit, when someone shows their vulnerability to me, I get touched. Easiest way to win me over is to show the remotest of trust in me. Just the fact that they exposed themselves to me, is enough for me to blindly trust them, commit myself totally and give the "destructo button" that they gave me, right back to them. Honestly, I don't believe everyone will think have the same thought process.

I believe the ideal state I should move to, is to fully realize my emotional weakness and seal the gaps without any intervention from the outside world. It is like a batsman being found out by the bouncer. The only way out is to paper over the cracks and not reveal another.

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